Chapter 3

Kathryn's Point of View The tears I have holding back during our conversation comes racing down my cheeks as I hear the door slam shut. He just left, without a second glance. My shoulders shake as my sobs wreck my body. I knew this was going too happen.. So why am I crying? Because I had hoped that maybe he'd want this. He'd want us. I honestly didn't think it would hurt this much to have him walk away. I slowly slide down the wall, holding my stomach. I am alone.. I don't know what to do or where to start. But I can't give up. I need to be strong for this baby. He or she is relying on me to take care of them.. I bite my lip, trying to stop the tears and take a deep breath while rubbing my stomach. "Don't worry baby. Momma is here. I am gonna take care of you and even if it is just me I will make sure you know what it feels like to be loved. It's you and me against the world now. We will be okay. I promise." I mumble soflty while rubbing my stomach. I got this. I know I do. I am a strong, independent woman. I won't let his rejection change me. ‐---‐------------------------------------ I have no idea when exactly I fell asleep as I spent the whole night tossing and turning. Contemplating what my next step was going to be. At the same time everytime I heard something I sat up, hoping it was Elijah coming back to say he's sorry. But he never did. No messages, no missed calls just.. Nothing.. I thought we were stronger than this. Eventhough we've been together for quite a while I knew he wasn't ready to have a baby, neither was I. But I didn't do this alone, we made this baby together. I could forgive him for asking who's baby it was but flat-out refusing responsibility after I have assured him that he's the father, that I can't let go. He didn't even try.. It's not fair. I shouldn't be the only one to face the changes and consequences of our actions. I gave him all night to come to his senses. To take responsibility. But now it is time to forget him and move on. For both my and the baby's sake. We don't need him. We will be alright on our own. My stomach starts to rumble and I realize I never ate anything last night. I rub my stomach. "Sorry baby. Momma forgot. I will feed you now." I slowly get out of bed and go to do my bathroom routine before I head over to my kitchen to make some breakfast. I am waiting for the toast when I hear a knock on the door. Hope flares through me and I rush to the door, opening it quickly. Only to be filled with disappointment when I come face to face with Amy. "Oh, Ames it's you." I give her a weak smile. "Where you expecting someone else? I came to check on you. How did it go last night?" She brushes past me into the apartment. I close the door behind her before I slowly turn around to face her. I'm not sure what she saw on my face but she comes rushing to me and wraps her arms around me. "Oh sweetie! Are you okay?" She looks at me concern written all over her face. I shake my head, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "No.. Not really. But I have to be." I shrug, trying to be strong, but my voice breaks and I feel the tears pooling in my eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?" "Yes.. I really need to talk with someone else. I was just busy with breakfast. Would you like some?" She nods her head. "Yes, sure. I'll help you and we can talk while we eat." She suggests and I nod before we make our way into my kitchen. An hour later we are sitting on the couch, each with a mug of hot chocolate. "And when I heard you knocking this morning I thought maybe.." My voice breaks again and Amy wraps an arm around my shoulders. "You thought it was him? Coming back?" I nod my head slowly, swallowing the invisible lump in my throat as my fingers trace the rim of the cup. "Yeah.. It's stupid I know, but I thought you know, just maybe he changed his mind." "I'm so sorry sweetie, I really had hoped it would work out for the best." "Maybe this is for the best you know. I don't need someone in my life that doesn't really want to be there. That doesn't really want this baby. Somone that stays out of obligation and then regrets it later on and resents us. My baby and I, we will be okay on our own. And I will make sure this baby knows what love is. We will be fine on our own." I repeat once again, trying to convince myself. Amy nods her head. "Of course you will be fine. Both of you. You are an amazing woman, and I just know you'll be a great mum to this little one. And you are not alone. You still have me. Always." I smile at her. "I know. Thank you." "Anytime. So.. What is the plan going forward?" "I have been weighing my options all night and I finally made a decision. I am going to accept the post offered to me in Stellenbosch." "I thought you turned it down?" "I did, but they phoned me yesterday, before I went for the test, and offered it to me again. They told me to take the weekend and really think about it. They will call me on Monday to hear my final decision." "Oh wow. That's great. And the timing couldn't be better." "I know right. I am taking it as my sign. This is exactly what I need. A new place. With no connections to or memories of him. A clean fresh start for the two of us." "So when would you go?" I shrug. "I'm not sure. I need to hand in my resignation and I need to pack and find a place there. But I want to move as soon as possible." "I'll help. Maybe we should go up there for a few days and look for a place? I have a few days leave coming up? We can have ourselves a little mini vacation." Amy suggest excitedly and I nod my head. "That would be great. I honestly need a vacation right about now." I say, her enthusiasm getting me excited about the idea as well. "Then it is settled. We will put in a few days leave and go up there to look for a place for the two of you and to just wind down. I am so excited! This is going to be great!" I laug at her enthusiasm. "Yes it is. I can't wait!" Amy smiles at me and puts her hand over mine before squeezing it encouragingly. "You will be okay, Kat. We will get through this together. This is the start of something new. And it is going to be great! You'll see."