My two closest friends are heroes. I don't mean I idolize them (although, truthfully, I kind of do). I mean both of them have literally saved the world. When Siena was only fifteen, she saved everyone from a tyrannical madman. And last year, when Sember was sixteen, she saved everyone from disease-ridden extinction. Yet here I am at nineteen, and the most heroic thing I’ve done is keep Benzi from shoving seeds up his nose. Speaking of which . . .
I turned away from the kids playing tag among the trees and surveyed the commons. Rough-hewn tables and benches were scattered around the clearing. Scarred food-prep tables sat here and there near fire pits. In the center of everything was the giant cauldron used for stews and sometimes gruel.
Being a refuge for the persecuted and the lost, Foresthome had a sizable population of orphans. I used to be one of them, but now I helped watch over them.
I heard a small, echoing snicker.
I turned toward the noise. “Benzi! Get out of the cauldron! Are we eating you for dinner tonight?”
The small boy peeked out of the huge metal pot, his brown hair half covering his eyes, and a finger up his nose.
Bren chuckled and leaned on her cane, fixing her twinkling eyes on me. “Remind you of anyone, Nirrin?”
I rolled my eyes. “That was just the one time. And for the record”—I lowered my voice to a whisper—“I never stuck anything in my nose.”
“You were still a handful.”
“Admit it. I was your favorite.”
Bren sniffed. “I’ll do no such thing.”
“That’s okay.” I grinned at her. “I know the truth.”
“You were the biggest pain in my backside.” She shuffled past, her hand pausing on my shoulder for a motherly caress, and my heart squeezed. “You might want to see where Benzi has gone.”
“What?” My eyes snapped to the cauldron, but he was nowhere in sight. “How does he do that? Are you sure he’s not Gifted?”
“Not as far as I can tell. Then again, neither are you, and you were always disappearing.”
The corners of my mouth turned down at the reminder. Nope, not even a little bit Gifted. I think I would've enjoyed being able to turn invisible. Imagine the trouble I could have gotten into then!
“Did you guys lose something?”
I turned my head at the familiar voice, my pout dissipating, and found Sember walking in my direction. She guided Benzi in front of her, both hands clamped on his little shoulders. Her red hair frizzed out of its usual braid, and I smoothed an involuntary hand over my own brown waves.
“There you are!” I said as I took the boy from her. “Maybe we should eat you for dinner after all. Sember, you can cook him, right?”
Benzi inhaled sharply, and Sember’s brows drew together as she frowned at me.
“I’m kidding! Come on, Benzi, finish your breakfast.” I cast a nervous glance at Sember, while I ushered the boy back to one of the tables in the Foresthome commons. She was a hero after her escapade in that cave, yet she was still as sensitive as ever about her ability to scorch things with her bare hands.
After the boy resumed his seat, Sember came over and hissed under her breath, “I don’t need you reminding the kids that I’m dangerous.”
“They’re not scared of you anymore. You know that.”
“Which is a recent development. It’s been less than a year. Don’t forget I spent most of my life being looked at as a mon—”
I stopped her with a raised finger. “What did Siena say about using the M word? You are not, nor have you ever been, a monster. Whoops. I used the M word.”
Sember smiled a little despite herself, and my anxiety eased. Bren had warned me to be careful about saying insensitive things, but I swear, my mouth had its own little brain and zero inclination to ask permission to speak.
To further clinch her good mood, I said, “Come on, let’s get snow cones from Jastin.”
“I know what you’re doing.” Her green eyes cast me a knowing look, but the defensive edge in her expression melted anyway.
“What?” I projected my most innocent self. “I just feel like a snow cone is all. Don’t you want to watch your ice-man boyfriend in action?”
“Don’t you need to watch the little animals?” She eyed Benzi, who was now poking his own foot with a stick.
I strode over and guided his hand so the stick drew lines in the dirt. The boy’s attention then went to drawing circles around himself. Satisfied, I turned to Bren. “You’ll be okay here, right?”
“Of course, girl. I’ve been doing this since before you were born.” Bren shuffled to a nearby seat and sat with an audible grunt.
She hid it well, but I could tell she was tired. She seemed more and more exhausted these days. Her hair was mostly gray now, and it worried me that her age was catching up to her. Her whole life was dedicated to caring for these parentless children. Was this to become my fate too? Was I to grow into an old spinster, shackled to a thankless job where nothing ever happened?
I grabbed Sember’s hand. “Come on! I’m free to go.”
We followed the well-worn trail through the forest, passing various tented workstations wedged between tree trunks. Weaver, tanner, wood-carver, I wondered if any of them felt restless with their lot in life.
When we reached Sember’s cabin, where she still lived with her parents, we found Jastin on the roof, fistfuls of thatching in hand. If it were me, I would have moved out long ago (and shacked up with Jastin). But maybe that was just me. Sember moved through life at a slower pace. She claimed it was a careful pace, but if I had somewhere to go, you bet your last quail egg I would.
“Roof not repaired yet?” There was a teasing lilt in Sember’s voice that I rarely heard.
Jastin saw us and smiled, his blue eyes drinking Sember in, as if they’d been parted for days. “Finished your morning run already?”
“It was cut a little short, due to a certain tornado boy straying near the lake.”
I planted my hands on my hips. “Hey, I haven’t given up my tornado title. I earned that when I was little.”
“Maybe you’re slowing down in your old age.” Sember nudged me with her elbow.
I chuckled, trying not to show how much that bothered me. When Bren called me a tornado all those years ago, I was proud, because that meant I was noticed. I was someone. Even if I was someone who always got into trouble. But now, it seemed I didn’t even have that anymore. As an adult with adult responsibilities, I felt like I was disappearing.
Jastin scrambled down from the roof, his lean muscles rippling on his shirtless back. Sember was so lucky to find a guy who never needed to sweat. He never smelled, unlike most of the other men in Foresthome.
He went straight to Sember and kissed her, his arms circling her waist, while her hands slid up his bare chest. An envious sigh escaped me as I watched, and I made myself turn away. I’d had a few trysts with boys in the past, but nothing ever lasted. None of it ever felt real, and none of them ever wanted to stick around.
Not even Goben.
“Hey, Sember, when is your brother coming back, anyway?” I asked when it became apparent they weren’t going to stop anytime soon. “Isn’t it getting colder up north?”
She pulled away from Jastin, slightly out of breath. She should thank me for reminding her to breathe. “Um, I’m not sure. Usually mid-autumn. They don’t like leaving any earlier because Vina likes to make sure her village has plenty of herbal remedies for winter.”
The mention of Goben’s girlfriend dampened my mood even further. Goben and I had grown up together, and he’d never shown any interest in me, or any other girl. I always thought I had a chance. That maybe I’d grow into a beautiful woman, and he’d want me then. That if I just hung around him enough, talked to him enough, he’d finally fall in love with me.
But no. The moment he went with Sember to the northern village of Odavik, he found himself an Iceling girlfriend. It just wasn’t fair.
“Oh, okay.” I scrambled for something else to say to hide my discomfort. “I think it’s great he gets to leave and come back all the time. It’s funny, don’t you think? Siena and Remi leave and come back all the time, and sometimes you guys do too. The only one who doesn’t is me.”
“You can go anywhere you want,” Sember replied.
“By myself?”
“Would you . . .” She cast a quick glance at Jastin. “Would you like to come with us sometime?”
I wrinkled my nose. “In the middle of winter? No, thank you.” Plus, being offered pity trips was not one of my life goals.
Sember’s parents emerged from the cabin, expectant looks on their faces. “Oh, hello, Nirrin,” her mother said, almost managing to hide the disappointment in her voice. “We heard talking and thought Siena might be coming around.”
“No, it’s just me. Sorry.” One day, I’ll meet someone who lights up when they see me. Hopefully soon.
“Don’t be silly. It’s always nice to see a beautiful girl at our doorstep, isn’t it, dear?” She turned to her husband for confirmation.
He nodded. “Absolutely.” His arm squeezed his wife’s shoulders.
I wondered how my life might have been different if I’d grown up with perfect parents like these. Would I feel more wanted? More important? Not so restless?
Tight bands of envy constricted around my chest, making it difficult to breathe. “I’d better go check on Bren, to make sure the kids haven’t buried her under a pile of rocks or something.”
“What about your snow cone?” Sember peered at me like she knew what might be going through my mind, so I began retreating. It would kill me if she ever found out how much I coveted what she had. I couldn’t bear my best friend pitying me.
“Another time!” I tossed over my shoulder as I jogged away.
I slowed to a walk as soon as I reached the wooded path and leaned against a tree. What was it Siena always told Sember when her emotions went spiraling? Deep breaths.
I inhaled and stared up at the leaves above me. One fell, and I watched it flutter down, down, down. Powerless to change its own path. It settled on the ground, where it was meant to fall, and there it stayed. Unmoving.
Aksara