Chapter 6

My brain stuttered as I ran through the dark forest. Practiced feet were the only thing keeping me from slamming into trees or getting lost. When I reached the clearing of the lake, I finally stopped and gazed out at the half moon casting its silvery light upon the water. Both Sember and Siena found peace here, but for me, it was a place to herd children away from, lest they drown themselves. I did enjoy the lake when I was little, though. When I used to hang out with my two Gifted friends. Fen’s words crept back into my head like a stealthy cockroach. You have her eyes. Brown, unremarkable eyes, I told myself. They could look like anyone’s. Nineteen years ago. That was a coincidence I found harder to ignore. I never told Fen my age, did I? I shook my head and picked up a small, pale rock. When I allowed my thoughts to toy with the idea that Fen could be telling the truth, of what his implications meant, my mind seemed to trip over itself. I flung the rock, attempting to skip it across the water’s surface. Plunk. I picked up another rock. Was that even possible? That some stranger would show up all of a sudden and claim to know my mother? Not only that, but recognize me as the abandoned daughter? I angled my arm and propelled the rock across the water. Plunk. I was rusty at this. When was the last time I skipped rocks on the lake? Even if what Fen said was true, why was he telling me this now? Why was he even here? He kept dodging the question. And then there was Galen’s persistent sense that Fen was dangerous somehow. As much as my gut kept telling me I could trust him, all the clues said I was wrong. And yet I couldn’t shake the sense that maybe I was right on some level. That, despite whatever reason brought him here, he might be telling the truth. That he might actually know my mother. I found a flatter rock, smooth on all sides, and sent it spinning. The rock skittered across the water’s surface, disappearing into the dark. I pumped a fist over my small, pointless victory. The unwanted thoughts came crawling back into my head. The ones I thought I’d pushed out long ago. What was so wrong with me that my own mother would abandon me with complete strangers? Not only that, why would she get rid of me, only to raise someone else’s child? It made no sense! My hands formed fists. No sense at all. I looked behind me into the dark forest, back in the direction of the small cabin where Fen waited, still bound. Maybe it was time I did something besides talk to get some answers. *** Fen stared at me, wide eyes flicking between me and the knife in my hand. Maybe this was extreme, and maybe it was unlike me, but I was tired of being the idle onlooker. Life was passing me by, because all I did was watch and talk about other people doing things. Maybe it was high time I did something myself. “Nirrin, I apologize for upsetting you.” His breathing grew faster as I approached, his eyes riveted on my fingers tightening around the cooking knife. “Let’s talk some more.” “Talking is getting me nowhere.” I pointed the blade at him. It was usually used for chopping vegetables in the commons, but it would serve my purposes. “There’s no need to kill me!” “Kill you?” My brows pinched together. “Why would I do that? I can’t get answers from a dead man.” His eyes remained glued to the blade. “Then what do you plan on doing with that?” I leaned in close. Close enough to notice that, for a guy who probably hadn’t bathed in a week—judging from the dingy condition of his pants—he didn’t smell bad. I brought the knife closer as I spoke. “Do you swear that everything you’ve told me is the truth?” He edged away from the blade. “I have never lied to you.” I peered into his eyes in the dim torchlight, trying so hard to make the right decision. Once I did this, there was no going back. “And you plan on harming no one?” “No one here, no.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “What does that mean?” “It means I might harm someone outside of Foresthome.” “Who?” He looked away. “Are you lying to me?” His gaze returned. “No.” I sighed and began pacing the room. “Well, of course you’d say no. That could be a lie too! Arrgh! Why can’t you just give me straight answers?” He said nothing, and something inside me snapped. In an instant, I was in his face again. “Take me to see her.” “Huh?” “Take me to see Niralessa, the person you think is my mother.” “Uh, that wasn’t the plan.” “And what was your plan?” He closed his mouth. I made a noise of exasperation somewhere between a growl and a scream. I pointed the knife at him again. “Will you take me to see her or not?” He examined my face, saw the crazy determination I knew was in my eyes. “Yes.” “Yes?” My breath hitched. Did I hear him correctly? “Yes.” I leaned in again, and muttered, “Don’t make me regret this.” Before I could change my mind, I reached around and sliced through the ropes. His hands free, Fen stared at his wrists for a moment, as if surprised I had actually cut him loose. I couldn’t quite believe it either, and momentarily wondered if I’d just made a huge mistake. I would find out soon enough. He stood, and I took a few steps back, unprepared for the sheer size of him. He wasn’t as tall as Sember or Jastin, but he was broad. Muscular. Now that he was free to flex and stretch, he practically filled the room. I held my breath, half expecting him to swat me aside and charge out the door. He looked at me. “You ready?” I blinked at him. “Nirrin?” He held out his hand. His palm looked smooth, and I took it without thinking. His fingers closed around my hand, and he carefully approached the entrance. I noticed his other hand closing into a fist, and I said, “I took care of the guard.” He peered back at me, his skeptical brows raised. “See for yourself.” He poked his head through the curtain, then pulled me through it. I glanced over at Jeribo, who looked like he was asleep again. I knew he wasn’t, though, because I’d clubbed him in the head with a block of firewood. Not my finest moment, but I was frustrated, and I knew he’d be fine because Siena could patch him up in the morning. I didn’t like him all that much anyway. We hurried to the cover of trees. He hesitated, unsure where to go. “Which direction do we need?” I asked. “South.” I pulled him onto the right path. “Wait.” I gave him a perplexed look. What could he possibly want to wait for? “Won’t your people wonder where you went?” I opened my mouth for a retort, but immediately realized he was right. In classic Nirrin fashion, I hadn’t really thought any of this through. “Maybe it’s not a good idea for you to come,” he said, when he saw me hesitate. “Oh no, you’re not backing out of your promise.” He sighed with annoyance. “They’re going to think I took you.” I pursed my lips. He had a point. Maybe I should tell Sember. I thought about her temper and suspicious nature. No, telling Sember would be a bad idea. She’d be flinging fireballs before I could even get back to Fen. Siena! I could tell her. She was calm and trusting. She wouldn’t cause trouble. “Wait by that tree,” I instructed. He frowned at me. “I’m just going to tell someone not to worry about me.” I backed a few steps away. “Wait for me.” His mouth twisted like he hated the idea. I paused and pointed at him. “You’re waiting for me, right?” He stared out into the dark forest, as if he was contemplating running off. Then he turned back to me and nodded. I couldn’t tell if he was being truthful or not, but I couldn’t risk people chasing after him with shovels and spears. He was right about that. I slipped into the hut that Siena and Remi shared. Making my way through the dim shadows, I knelt next to Siena’s side of the bed. “Siena,” I whispered, hoping not to wake Remi. No response. “Siena, it’s me, Nirrin.” “Mmm.” She moved an arm, but said nothing more. “Siena, wake up.” Her arm moved again, this time reaching up to push my face away. What the—when did she start doing that? “Nirrin, what do you want?” Remi’s irritated voice, thick with sleep, floated across the bed to me. “I wanted to tell her that I’m going somewhere, and not to worry about me.” “Where are you going?” “It’s something I have to do.” “In the middle of the night?” “It’s important.” “Everything you do seems to be important.” “So? I can’t help it if it’s true.” He exhaled. “Fine. How long will you be gone?” I tilted my head in surprise. “You’re not going to try convincing me to stay?” “Nirrin, arguing with you is an exercise in futility. I’d rather sleep. How long before we send a search party looking for you?” “I, uh, don’t know.” A pause. “Nirrin, are you sure you should be going at all?” Good question. I pressed on before I could change my mind. “Look, I have a chance to find out something about my mother. I’m going to take it.” “Maybe I should go with you.” I heard the rustle of him sitting up. “Remi, no. I need to do this alone.” I waited for his response. When none came, I prompted, “Remi? It’s just one of those things, you know? That you have to do.” “Yeah,” he replied after a moment, his voice thoughtful. “I actually do know. Just be careful, okay?” “Absolutely!” I leapt to my feet and almost jumped across the bed to hug him. I thought about telling him about setting Fen free, but decided against it. “And when you find out who I went with, don’t be alarmed, okay? I’ll be just fine.” “What does that mean?” I hoped he was still too sleepy to figure out who I was talking about and headed toward the door. “And tell Siena I forgive her for ignoring me.” Out the door I flew. Had I taken too long? Was Fen still waiting for me? When I reached the place where I’d left him, I saw no sign of him. “Fen?” I whispered. Blast it, I knew he’d take off. Why would he hang around for me anyway? A light touch on my arm nearly launched me out of my moccasins. “It’s just me,” Fen said, steadying me with a firm grip on my shoulder. I calmed my breathing. “I thought you left.” “I promised to take you,” he said, as if there’d been no reason at all for him to desert me. I was speechless for a surprised moment. A short moment. “Uh, right. You did. Good. Let’s go.” I started marching forward, clinging to my intent and sense of urgency, because it was the only thing keeping me from screaming, “Nirrin, what in the world are you doing?” Fen must have sensed it, because he asked, “Are you sure about this?” I kept walking. “Not really.” He stopped. “Then what are you doing?” I shook my head. “I don’t know. But I have to do something.” “Why? Don’t you have a good life here?” “I—” He was right. I did. I had regular meals, was liked—well, mostly. Jeribo probably hated me now. And Bren needed me. Then why did I feel so restless? “I’ve never been anywhere. And I've never known my parents.” He eyed me dubiously. “You’re alone here?” “Well, not really. I have friends. But no family. No one to—” No one to belong to. I gave my head a vigorous shake. “Let’s just go.” I stomped ahead before I could change my mind. Before my good sense regained its footing and sent me home. Before it could tell me I was fleeing Foresthome in the middle of the night for no good reason, with a possibly dangerous guy I knew nothing about, and with no idea where we were headed. Oh, and no supplies. Blast it, I seriously hadn’t thought this through.