SABRINA
(SEVEN MONTHS AFTER DIVORCE)
Life has proven to be far from fair for me. Looking back, there are moments when I deeply regret my decision to reject the divorce settlements. Perhaps, had I simply accepted them, my life would have been less burdened, but my wounded heart and unwavering determination pushed me to strive for independence without his assistance.
Following the painful separation, I made the decision to return to my quaint hometown of Bradner, Ohio, seeking solace and support from my father until the baby arrived. Bradner, with its sparse population and negligible paparazzi presence, offered a sanctuary away from the prying eyes of the media. This strategic move aimed to shield me from any unwanted pregnancy photos that might provoke Mykel into searching for the child, giving me the space I needed to heal and prepare for the journey ahead.
My journey here in Bradner has been a resounding success so far. It's a relief that my pregnancy has remained shielded from the prying eyes of the internet, and I'm grateful that the locals don't seem to be bothered about my personal life. This town has an extraordinary way of treating everyone, regardless of status, with equal humility. You could be the President, and they wouldn't even bat an eye.
As I sat by the crackling fire, deep in thought, my father, a comforting presence, settled down on a bamboo chair beside me. He noticed my contemplative state and inquired, genuinely concerned about my well-being. “Are you okay? You’ve been staring at the fire for a while now.”
Placing a tender hand on my growing bump, I sighed. “Just thinking about life.”
“I hope that ex-husband of yours isn’t part of your thought.” He muttered. Dad never liked Mykel, and I suspected his aversion stemmed from Mykel's mother, as I couldn't recall any direct offense from Mykel himself.
With a smile on my face, I lifted my now cold glass of water. "I'm still trying to decide on a name for her," I said, confirming that I'm expecting a girl. "Do you think we should name her after Mum?"
My father pondered the suggestion thoughtfully before responding, "Rose is a beautiful name, but the final decision is yours to make. Whatever you choose, I'll support you."
Amusement sparkled in my eyes as a mischievous idea struck me. "What if I name her Alexander?" I teased, grinning widely.
He chuckled at the playful suggestion. "You want to name her after me?" he asked, amused. After a brief moment of laughter, he gently reaffirmed, "I think we should stick with Rose."
"Rose it is then," I confirmed, my smile widening as I felt her kick, almost as if she approved of her name choice. "I guess she likes the name too," I playfully remarked, filled with excitement to meet my daughter, who had become my reason for holding on and the source of my smiles. Her tiny movements brought immense joy to my days, reassuring me of the bond we already shared.
“What are your plans after having the baby?” Dad asked as he watched me closely. “I love having you around Sabrina, but I will not watch you waste your life in this village.”
"I appreciate your love and support, Dad, but I don't intend to stay here for long," I reassured him. "I've managed to save up some money, and after giving birth, I plan to meet Seth and see if he'll take me back."
Dad pondered for a moment, offering his insight with a contemplative nod. "He'll certainly be open to taking you back," he said, his voice carrying a hint of wisdom. "But to make things smoother for him, you might want to focus on getting back in shape."
A tinge of offense crossed my face, and I couldn't help but challenge his remark. "Are you suggesting I'm overweight?"
He met my gaze, seemingly unsure whether he should answer directly. However, he couldn't resist a chuckle as my glare intensified. "I'm not implying anything, but you know how fiercely competitive the modeling world is," he gently reminded me. "You were a part of it for five years before marrying that man."
"His name is Mykel," I stated firmly, hoping he'd take note. "So, are you suggesting I should take some time to get back in shape before reaching out to Seth?"
With a gentle yet determined expression, Alexander clarified his perspective. "What I mean is, after Rose is born, you should take some time for yourself, rediscover who you are, and when you feel confident in your ability to care for her, you can come back for her."
His suggestion took me aback, and I found myself shaking my head in disbelief. "Leaving Rose with you after birth? I can't imagine being separated from my newborn baby," I argued, my maternal instincts fiercely protective. “Which mother will want to be separated from her infant?”
He responded firmly, aware of the gravity of his proposal. "It's about providing Rose with a better life. Leaving her with me ensures she's taken care of and loved while you focus on rebuilding yourself. Think about it; would you rather entrust her to your father or a hired nanny, whom you know nothing about and who might exploit her images to the press and paparazzi?"
As I sat still, my lower lip caught between my teeth, Alexander's words swirled in my mind. "You are out to convince me, aren’t you?" I asked him hesitantly.
He responded with a casual shrug, as if this was just another ordinary discussion. "I'm just presenting reality as it is, no sugarcoating," he said, turning to face me directly.
The weight of the decision ahead was overwhelming, and I felt drained from all the emotions tugging at me. Running my hand down my face in weariness, I asked, "Can I have some time to think about it?"
Understanding, he nodded. "Sure, take all the time you need. You've got two months to decide, unless the baby arrives earlier."
I couldn't help but wonder if the baby might come ahead of schedule, given how active she was in my womb. Her strong kicks often left me breathless. "I wouldn't be surprised if she does arrive early," I said, contemplating the uncertain future.
Torn between my past and the present, I whispered to myself, "I don't even know when to call Seth anymore." The bond we once shared had somehow faded after I married Mykel.
Seth had been a good friend to me, but I knew it wouldn't be fair to Mykel if I maintained constant communication with my ex-boyfriend. Seth was the owner of MMM Models, one of the most prominent modeling agencies in the industry.
Our journey began when he discovered me and we formed a friendship. He saw potential in me as a model and encouraged me to pursue it. After much persuasion, I finally took a leap of faith and tried my hand at modeling, and to my surprise, I excelled.
During that time, Seth developed feelings for me and asked me out. Feeling obligated and grateful for his support, I agreed to go out with him. However, when I met Mykel, my perspective changed. I realized that what I had felt for Seth wasn't genuine love, and I didn't want to lead him on.
Breaking things off with Seth was not easy, but I knew it was the right thing to do. My heart had found its true connection with Mykel, and I couldn't ignore that.
Well see where that connection got me.
Despite agreeing to remain friends, our closeness naturally faded after my wedding to Mykel. The dynamics between Seth and me changed, and I began to keep my distance.
“If you must know, he knows you’re here but hasn’t visited because he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
Confusion and curiosity mixed within me, and I couldn't help but ask, "How did he know I'm here? Did you call him?" I was surprised to learn that dad still had Seth's contact information.
He nodded, admitting, "Yes, I called him. I've stayed in touch with Seth even after your breakup. He's a good kid and a friend."
My eyes rolled at his words, and I playfully said, "Please, don't play matchmaker." While I appreciated his concern, I wanted to navigate my relationships on my own terms without any interference.
With a scoff, he teasingly remarked, "Have you seen your stomach?"
"Dad!" I blushed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement at his lighthearted teasing.
Chuckling, he got up and brushed the dirt off his pants. "Come inside, Sabrina, and try not to overthink everything. I'm sure it will all fall into place at the right time."
I hope it does. For the sake of my daughter, I really hope it does. Embracing the uncertainty, I held onto the belief that things would work out in the end, trusting in the journey ahead.
Aksara