Wanting

For some unexplainable reason she felt hurt and unwanted because he hadn’t kissed her, and mad at herself for allowing such thoughts to cause her pain. She abruptly became angry at him for teasing her and embarrassed that she’d responded so strongly. He ducked when she swung her fist. Still lightheaded from the intimate encounter, the swing knocked her off balance. Instantly she found herself suspended in Cal’s arms, inches from his intense eyes which seemed to gleam with mischief. “You missed!” He growled, and then captured her lips with his. With a firm tenderness he caressed her mouth with a thumb, encouraging her to respond. A fear like nothing she had ever felt before filled her when she realized she had no idea how to kiss him back. As if he sensed her dilemma he eased the pressure and moved his mouth softly over hers, teasing and caressing with extreme gentleness until she relaxed against him. Gaining courage she began to respond and as her lips moved with his, something snapped. A fountain of fireworks exploded within her. She was acutely aware of every inch of him that touched her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Their lips moved together, testing the newness and discovering the taste that belonged solely to the other. She never wanted this moment to end. Boldly, she moved her hand to rake through his hair as they’d been itching to do for months. Heavenly. She drew her hands down across shoulder and chest. She had wanted to feel the muscles there for so long. Cal groaned. One of his hands quickly moved to still her exploration as he settled her feet on the ground, his lips leaving hers. She made a small sound of protest and pulled him back, finding his lips once more. He kissed her softly, but ended it much too quickly. When she attempted a third time he placed his hands on her shoulders to hold her back. “C, you’re killing me!” He rested his forehead against hers, his breath a little shaky. Claire took the same opportunity to steady her own racing heart. From the moment she met him she had wanted that kiss, but never in her wildest dreams had she believed it could take over all her senses like that. She wondered if the kiss had affected him the same. Eventually, his arms moved around her once again. She nestled into his shoulder and languished in the security she felt in his arms. She sighed, contentedly. “I guess we should get you in where it’s warm?” His voice vibrated in his chest. She almost giggled at the way it tickled her. “Yeah,” she whispered begrudgingly. She still hadn’t quite absorbed what just happened. She never thought she would feel so unwound from a simple kiss, but then again, that didn’t feel like a simple kiss. She looked up at him, “Maybe we should, but….” “But?” The question caught in his throat, his eyes seemed to burn into hers. “Cal, is it supposed to be like that?” She was thankful that the darkness was hiding her blush. “Like what, Love?” He gently ran his knuckles over her cheek. “You know…the kiss…is it supposed to be like that? I’ve never been kissed before and well, is it…You know? Are you supposed to feel it…everywhere?” She felt embarrassed asking him, but who else could she ask? He chuckled and brushed a stray hair from her cheek, cupping her face between his hands. Tilting her head, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, then another on her closed eyelids. He waited for her to open her eyes to look at him before he replied. “C, I have never felt a kiss like that before.” He moved his thumbs softly across her cheeks. “I think it feels that way when it’s right.” “What makes you think it was right?” She felt so uncertain about everything at the moment. “I just do.” She still didn’t feel convinced. “How can I prove it to you?” “I don’t know…maybe we should try it again?” She asked innocently. She heard him chuckle. “We will, Love. I promise you we will, but I think we have tested my self-control enough for one night.” She moved against him, offering her lips. “I think we need to get you inside before I change my mind.” He put his arm around her waist and encouraged her forward. “Well, it was worth a try,” she teased. This time Cal’s laughter made her smile. Just before they reached the door he stopped and looked down at her. “Claire, one of these days, I have a question to ask you.” He looked so serious it alarmed her. “What is it Cal?” She saw no reason to wait if it was important. “Not now, when the time is right.” He kissed her briefly to stifle any argument and ushered her into the cabin with a hand in the small of her back. “Oh, I almost forgot, you are supposed to wake Jamerico. He wanted to tell you something.” “I’ll go now.” He held her eyes and said a soft good night before crossing to the bedroom. She watched him go, blushing at his tenderness. “What was that all about?” Mark demanded. “What?” “You blushed at him!” he accused in a conspiratorial whisper. Claire’s face crimsoned even further. She sometimes wondered if she would ever master hiding her emotions. “I did not!” she huffed. “No, you definitely blushed,” Keith grinned. He set aside the part he was carving for Midlyn’s doll’s rocking horse, and leaned forward expectantly. She avoided eye contact. “I’m going to kill that smooth talking bast…” “What’s around your neck?” Keith asked calmly, watching Claire’s reaction and effectively cutting off Marks threat. Her hand flew too late to hide the necklace Cal had given her. “If he thinks that he’s going to start giving my sister presents to win her affections…” Mark nearly came out of his chair. “Wow, boys! He bought the necklace thinking it would be fun for the girls to play with. Little girls like playing dress up with their mothers things, and since I’m the closest thing they have to a mother...” she waved her hands to mime an unsaid ‘tada’. “I don’t buy it! Men don’t just go around buying jewelry for no reason. If they want to give a gift to a child, they give it to the child. Something fishy’s going on.” Mark had that determined set in his eyes. “Will you stop! For one thing, I am a grown woman. I can decide who my friends are. You two block heads have controlled that enough. Besides, both of you admit Cal is a great guy, you’ve said it a million times. Furthermore, nothing is going on between us. He appreciates the help with the kids and made me a gift.” “For not having anything going on you sure are defensive. Which, I might add is a total transformation from yesterday when he was a ‘dirty low down smelly snake in the grass’,” Keith prodded. “Or the other day when he was a ‘prissy sissy pansy pants.’ Something sure as hell happened out there to change your mind?” Mark added. Claire fought the urge to laugh. She‘d said both those things--and many more--during moments of frustrated longing for something she didn’t understand. “Oh, shut up,” She growled, but unable to control the smile that threatened her lips. “Nothing bad happened! He talked to me about the kids and gave me a necklace.” She technically wasn’t lying. “Remember both of you have said, ‘heaven help the man who tries to make any move on me’? Even you have to admit Cal is not that stupid.” He’d never force her to do anything, but he would definitely take what she offered. “I’ll kill him,” Mark grumbled. Claire glanced at Marcel who remained silent over her embroidery. She got help from Shaylee who elbowed Keith in the ribs and glared at him. “Mark’s just making sure you’re ok, Bear. If you say nothing happened that you didn’t want to happen, we will believe you.” Did Keith suspect something? She forced herself not to reach up and touch her tender lips. A horrific thought occurred to her in that moment. What if her lips were swollen the way Shaylees had been several nights before after her walk in the woods with Keith? “You blushed at him!” Mark accused again, crossing his arms. Claire looked to the heavens for help and let out an exaggerated breath. She walked over and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, even when you act like a dumb ox and more so when you act like a toddler.” Mark sneered, but it didn’t reach his eyes so Claire knew they were okay. “I’ll let you know the moment Cal and I no longer consider each other friends. Ok?” She kissed Keith’s cheek as well and added, “and for the record he still frustrates me more than either of you two put together!” “We love you too, that’s why I know you will understand that someday I’m going to need to kill the pretty boy.” Mark ducked when Claire took her shoe off and threw it at him. “Now, is that sisterly love? I don’t think so.” “We’ll leave him alone for now, but we’ll be watching,” Keith sniggered. “Closely!” Mark added, cracking his knuckles. “Oh, give it a break will you?” She rolled her eyes and headed for her room. “I’m going to bed. Good night!” She called over her shoulder, ducking behind the heavy curtain. “I’ll kill him!” Mark whispered loudly after her. “Sleep well, Bear.” Keith called. Claire looked to the ceiling and wondered why they didn’t put up a thicker curtain to block out the sounds from the other room. She heard both her brother’s chuckle and had to fight the urge to storm out and beat them. “She’ll be fine. Leave it alone,” Marcel said bluntly. “Finally,” Claire muttered. Marcel was the only person the twins would listen to. “On one tonight aren’t they?” Cal whispered. Claire turned to the large canvas that separated their rooms and quickly made a choice. She pulled it back and stepped past the barrier. Jamerico lay sprawled on the only cot, one arm dangling over the side. Claire gently folded it over his chest and smoothed a lock of hair from his brow before looking at Cal. He sat on the mound of furs he used for a bed and pulled a boot off. “Yeah, I wouldn’t go out there if I were you,” she whispered, staring at his lips. “I heard. It took a lot of willpower not to laugh. Did you really call me a low-down smelly snake in the grass? And what was the other one a pansy sissy?” She blushed. “Sissy Prissy Pansy Pants.” He chuckled. “I also called you a Sissy Sissy Lala, amongst a whole slew of other less than flattering names. I can’t help it when you are being frustrating.” Cal offered her his hand. She hesitated for a moment and then took it. He pulled her down beside him. “Apparently calling you names is what’s saving your life.” “C, I’ll be the same way with any guy that comes around Midlyn or Lilith or any other daughter of mine.” She blushed. More children? Her chest warmed at the thought of Cal cradling a baby. “I can’t blame them for wanting to protect you, and for hiding you away. They want the best for you. I just need to prove that I love you more.” Claire startled at the admission, but said nothing. After a moment of awkward silence--well, awkward for her, Cal seemed to be enjoying himself--he squeezed her hand. She was suddenly extremely aware of the strong arm radiating heat against her own. “I better go to bed,” she said. He looked disappointed, but released her hand. She meant to give him a kiss on the cheek. but his hand caught hers again. Many nights over the last two months they had sat together, soothing the children’s fears. They cradled them until tears dried with the embrace of sleep. In the long hours of the night Cal and Claire would sit on his furs, the curtain pulled aside not speaking to each other as they watched the children sleep, lost in their own thoughts but neither daring to voice them. In those times she had never looked into his eyes and he had never once touched her. Now… “The girls’ nightmares are coming less and less often,” she said softly. “Jamerico’ too. How about yours?” Claire flinched. Leishmann’s attack on her home and her time as his captive still haunted her from time to time. She’d also had several other recurring night terrors since then. Cal had gently soothed her fears, whispering stories of other worlds in the darkness from the other side of the curtain. They were similar to tales her brothers had told her as a child, but she listened more intently now knowing that the stories were true. It distracted her mind from the terrifying memories and slowly introduced dreams of exploring those alien places. “I haven’t had one in ages. Sometimes they begin, but then somehow…they just go away and I have the most wonderful dreams.” He chuckled. “Can I tell you a secret without you breaking my nose?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know if he had to add the last part, but nodded just the same. “There are nights I hear you groaning so I come to you. I talk softly, hold your hand, and touch your face. Your groaning stops and you sleep peacefully.” Her eyes widened in shock as a dream--or memory--came back to her. She had floated away from Leishmann’s camp feeling safe. She had heard an angel speak and a warmth surrounded her. She felt safe and protected in her Angel’s arms. Only now she knew it had been Cal and not an Angel. Was it possible that he could so easily chase away all her fears? “I guess I’m not all that surprised,” she shrugged. “Thank you.” Cal raised an eyebrow in surprise and smiled. “For you, I would do anything.” He drew her fingers to his lips and kissed the tips. “Good night, C.” He left a whisper of a kiss on her lips while helping her to her feet. “Good night.” She walked to the curtain and disappeared. Seconds later she poked her head back around. “Oh, and another thing….I’d love some new boots, for the girls to dress up in of course. Forget about the dress,” she smiled impishly. His soft laughter followed her to her own pile of sleeping furs. Crawling under her blankets she closed her eyes and thought how wonderful the day had turned out.