FFMSD – 27

YOLANDA I am pacing up and down in Kyle’s room, fiddling with my hands as he is with my father, discussing Lord Knows What. Only horrible things are flooding my head, and I cannot help but think that my father knows about us. Of course, Capo told him! Maybe I should go down and tell my father everything because Kyle might be in trouble with him to protect me. I take my phone out of my bag and quickly text Thando. I am desperate, and I know that as much as we do not get along, she is the safest person to talk to about this. She already knows much about me and Kyle. ‘Thando, dad is at Kyle’s place, and I am hiding in his room. I don’t know what to do! I think he might know about us… I am just not sure what they are discussing downstairs.’ Message sent! I am tempted to leave the room to eavesdrop on their conversation, but the door might squeak and raise an alarm, and my dad would start questioning. I am having anxiety and being locked up in here is driving me crazy. I need to know now if Kyle and I are safe to continue dating. I am also worried that he might have heard Kyle and I yelling at each other. Oh, God… I really hope he didn’t. My phone vibrates, and it is a message coming in. I open it, and it is a reply from Thando. ‘I have just called dad, and he sounded really calm. I don’t think he knows anything… yet. He is probably leaving because I gave him a few errands to run for me,’ ‘Thank you. I owe you.’ I replied, and she texts back with the purple devil emoji. It is so like her. Now I can relax a little, so I throw myself on the bed with my back and just lay, facing up at the ceiling. Only today do I feel the dangers of dating my father’s worker. I have never seen my father taking action before, but something just tells me he can be really dangerous and cause serious damage. Ever since that day in the gym room when I decided to finally stand up for myself, my stepfather has been cold towards me. Wait, he is perhaps treating me like his child I guess, but because I am so used to his dominance over me with me always submitting to him, I am feeling like he is giving me a cold shoulder. I don’t know, but I have started missing him. He is too distant for my liking, but that is probably because he is too busy f*****g his secretary. This still upsets me because it hasn’t been a year since my mom’s passing, yet he could not wait to start plugging his cord in every hole! I hate that I am the one who had to see that, and now I must go on, pretending like I know nothing. Argh! My phone rings and I answer it in a heartbeat. “Is he gone?” I ask. “Come down, babe,” He says before hanging up. He didn’t answer my question. If my dad is gone and he still doesn’t know about me and Kyle, that means Kyle and I have to talk and address the elephant in the room. I don’t like how we talked to each other before the knock. This is our first fight, and I was ready to walk out, and had my father not knocked on that door, I would probably be home now. I get up and out of the room, slowly making my way downstairs. It is very quiet, so this assures me that my father is gone. I breathe out when I see Kyle sitting alone in the lounge. I feel awkward and I don’t know how to approach him. He was mad earlier, but it was so unfair of him to be because he was wrong for leading me on like that. What hurts most is that he does not feel any worse about it. “Are you going to come here or are you just going to stand there and watch me?” He asks as I am standing on the last staircase, looking at him. “What did my dad want?” I ask. “Nothing to do with us. Come here,” I slowly walk towards him and stand in front of him but avoid his eyes. “Did you get to think about what happened earlier?” “What did I have to think about?” I roll my eyes, crossing my arms on my chest. “You see that attitude, baby girl; it is going to get you into trouble. Sit down and let me tell you something,” He firmly orders, and without making a haze, I sit down on the armchair quietly. “Good girl. First thing first, I want you to know that in this house, we don’t walk out of each other, do you understand? We talk things out and if you want to be mad, you can be, but you never walk out of me… clear?” “I didn’t mean to… I was scared,” “Scared of what?” “That we might have ended up saying things to each other that could have hurt us both… and words cannot be reversed. They are worse than a beating,” “Why are you talking as if you are asking me to hit you next time? Is that what you want from me,” “Kyle, I am not asking you to hit me. I am just saying that words hurt a lot more. They never go away, so I was avoiding that it may come to us exchanging words. Kyle, it was bad fighting with you,” He chuckles, shaking his head. “I am a grown man, Yolanda. I don’t have time for games. This relationship is important to me, and you being petty is really not cute. Meet up with my ethics or else this won’t work,” I gasp, looking at him. I never took Kyle for being egoistic as he is right now. I don’t even see what he is fussing about. “Kyle, are we going to ignore the fact you made me almost walk out of that door? My dad almost caught up with me right outside,” “I stopped you, didn’t I? I told you not to go, you should thank me because your father would have found out about us. You were reckless and you could have gotten me killed by your father!” “How was I supposed to know that my father was coming, Kyle!? Are you hearing what you are saying? How did we get here?” “We got here because you are childish, and you need to grow up!” I gasp, looking at him but holding my composure. Whatever Kyle and my father were discussing definitely is the reason why he is behaving like this. Kyle is emotionally hammering me, and it hurts. I cannot stand his insults. “I should go before my dad starts looking for me,” I stand. “Probably a good idea.” *** I notice my dad’s car as I get home, but right now I don’t even care about him. I just need to be alone. I enter the house and shoot in like no one lives in here. With tears rolling down my face, I slowly walk further into the house and just pass my family sitting in the lounge, making my way upstairs. “Yolanda, are you okay?” Thando asks, but I just keep quiet and go on with my way. “Yolanda,” Dad calls, but neither does he stop me. “Thando, who is he?” His voice gets monstrous. “Huh, dad… what are you talking about?” I hear Thando stuttering. “Don’t even dare. Who is the boy that made my baby girl cry?” “Daddy, let her be right now. She will talk to you when she is ready,” Anele says, and that is the last thing I hear before I shut the door and lock it, even though I know I am going to wake up to an unlocked door. I am going to try not to think about Kyle. He switched on me badly today. Come to think of it, I think we rushed to get into a relationship, and as much as Kyle knew the ins and outs of me, I don’t think I know him the way I thought I did. He really showed me a side of him that made me think that it is what I will be seeing a lot since it revealed itself unprovoked. Kyle made sure to remind me that he is way older than me and I should “level up to his standard”, imagine. He is a narcissist; the next thing he would be telling me is what to wear, who to and not to talk to, what I should eat, and so on. I felt abused emotionally, and the next thing that will happen is that I will be apologising to him for stepping on my foot! What is worse about this whole thing is that I love him, and I don’t want to lose him. My phone vibrates and his name pops up on the screen. ‘Still being petty? I thought you would call me when you get home, but anyway… I love you.’ – Kyle. I read the message as soon as I opened it. I throw my phone on the bed and just sigh, shaking my head. According to Kyle, he does not dwell too much on our fights. He just moves on from them without getting to the bottom of it. He just can’t see what the root of our fight is, but because I am the one who is angry and wanting him to understand, I am being “petty”. ‘Are you going to answer me or are you just going to read my text?’ Another message comes in from Kyle. ‘Good night, Kyle.’ I reply. ***