KYLE
“Hold on to me, babe; do not let go of me, okay?” Yolanda says, using her tiny body to get the big me up on my feet.
She had this idea to install rails in my house to use them to practice walking again, so I called some guys to do the work yesterday and called Yolanda today to come and see if this is what she was talking about. I have never been so happy to see my girl as happy as she was when she arrived to this, but what can I say; I intend to please my woman anyhow, even if it makes me uncomfortable.
She was having a bad week, and I know something happened between her and her father. I won’t force her to tell me, but I am hoping that she knows that I am here for her and that she can talk to me about anything.
“Princess, you do know that I am big and heavy for you, right? And me being temporarily paralysed means that I might be extra heavy for you, so how exactly are you planning on getting me up from this wheelchair?”
“Can’t you be positive for the day, Kyle? Work with me here, okay?”
“Okay, I am sorry… you are really cute when you are so serious, doctor,” I tease her as I use my upper strength to help her help me up.
The thing is, I cannot feel my legs, and I keep falling back on the wheelchair because it is so tiring, and I am getting so damn frustrated.
“I cannot do this, Yolanda,”
“I know that you are tired, babe, but let’s keep on trying,” She says, breathlessly.
“We have been doing this now for over ten minutes, and yes, I am tired. Come on, babe… let’s take a break,” I hold her hand and pull her to sit on top of me.
She sighs, disappointedly and looks anywhere but at me.
“I am sorry… I will do my best tomorrow,”
“It is not about doing your best, Kyle. When I suggested this therapy, I thought that you would be interested in it. I thought you got these rails installed because you wanted to do this,” She snaps, heartbrokenly.
“I do, babe,” I try to convince her.
“No, you don’t, Kyle! You are not even doing this for yourself,” Her tears start rolling out of her eyes. Now I feel bad because she realised the truth herself.
I only had these rails installed to make her happy that I am willing to “try” walking again. Well, I hate feeling like a baby that is learning how to walk again, and I hate that this is now my reality. Everything is still overwhelming for me, so I sometimes intend to show how I really feel without noticing.
Damn you, Capo. Your time is f*****g coming!
“I feel so terrible about this. Well, I was not ready for all of this. It is too much for me, and I wish I told you earlier about it… I am sorry,” I open up, honestly.
“Then why did you do it, Kyle? Why did you get me so excited if you were not going to at least pretend to be happy to practice walking again?”
“That is the thing, Yolanda. I can walk, or at least I was able to walk again. This makes me feel uncomfortable,”
“So, you would rather be comfortable in the wheelchair? Kyle, we don’t know when your ability will come back again, but maybe I do not know how it feels being in your position, so I will let it go. But next time, don’t play with my feelings like that; I am done with this!” She aggressively stands and walks towards the dining table to get her bag.
She is upset, and I just don’t know how to make her better.
“Where are you going?” I ask, wheeling myself behind her.
“Home, where they are not afraid to tell me in my face that I am s**t,” Whoa, she swears too when she is mad? This is the first time she is showing me this side of her.
“Babe, don’t go, I am sorry,”
“It is too late for that now, isn’t it?” She takes out a serviette in her bag to wipe her tears and blow her nose. “You don’t know how it makes me feel hearing you telling me how my efforts were useless,”
Argh, come on!
“I did not say that,”
“Well, it sure sounded like it to me. Do you know what the worst part is?” I don’t answer her because I know that she is going to tell me anyway. “You went on with my idea to get all these rails installed, got me all excited to help you, my dear boyfriend to exercise your legs, only for you to spit all my efforts on my face and be honest about it,”
“I did not intend to, but I am glad it happened because let’s be honest; would you rather have had me lying to you for so long about it?”
“That is my problem; you are too honest! You have no filter, and it bothers me so much, Kyle. You are horrible, and you f****d up. I am out of here,”
Now I am sitting in my wheelchair, thinking about what I could have done to make her so angry. I was just being honest with her, yet I don’t see how it could have affected her so badly.
Dang it! She is on her period, and I have learned how her mood is likely to switch unexpectedly. Ow, my sweet baby girl. How will I make her better?
“You are not leaving my house, princess,” I firmly say, looking at her.
“I am not staying here, Kyle,” She straps her sling bag on her shoulder and presses the gate button before she strolls to the door.
“f**k, Yolanda! Just get back here and we can talk about this!” I snap, frustratedly. “Why are you being so stubborn?”
“You wasted my f*****g time and energy! Why should I stay and listen to you talking?” She snaps back. Whoa, this s**t feels real.
“Are you raising your voice at me? Yolanda, don’t make me do something I will regret… get back here and sit the f**k down so that we can clear this off. What do you want to do; go home, cry and whine about it for days, ignoring me until you are finally ready to talk to me again? You can do that here, but you are not getting out of this house with that attitude, little girl,” She gasps, heavily breathing.
Our eyes bore into each other, and I am keeping my face stern, so she drops her eyes, silently crying. Just when I was about to open my mouth to speak, the doorbell buzzes, forcing me to turn my head to the intercom where the little screen for the doorbell camera is, and a big figure appears.
Calmly, I slowly turn back my head to Yolanda who is standing by the door, looking at me, and I whisper,
“Don’t say a word. Go upstairs, now and hide,”
She shrugs, wanting to know who it is.
Oh, may the lord be with us today. No one knows what is yet to happen.
Aksara