FFMSD – 6

YOLANDA I guess it is true when they say time heals. I am not talking about my breakup with Fana, but I am talking about my mother’s death. It sometimes hurts when I think about it, but I have come to the terms of accepting and letting the reality be. My birthday is coming soon, and I am planning on visiting my mother’s grave and just talk to her, release all that I have bottled in my chest. It has been two months since her passing, and I wouldn’t say that things are okay in the house, but they are better. I am still not Thando’s favourite, but we at least try to ignore each other for peace’s sake. It is a Saturday afternoon, and I have just finished helping Anele with her math homework. Believe it or not, Math is my favourite subject, and I never have a problem with it which is why I don’t mind helping anyone with it. Only if Thando would let me assist her with it. She is so stubborn because she hates me. I go upstairs, head to her bedroom, and knock on the door. “WHAT!?” She shouts, annoyed. I open the door and let myself in. When her eyes land on me, she rolls them and stands and folds her arms. “When I said what, I did not mean you should enter. What do you want, Yolanda?” “I can’t find my laptop charger, can you please lend me yours, I will bring it back,” “Argh, take it… it is yours anyway,” She points with her eyes towards her study desk. “You will never stop, will you? Why can’t you ask me when you need something from me?” “I did not think that you will have a problem. Why are you fussing; it is only a charger. What will I possibly need more from you? You don’t even have nice clothes,” I close my eyes and take a deep breath to stop myself from slapping her. “Leave my things alone, or you will regret it.” I warn her. I walk out of her bedroom and head downstairs to my room and charge my laptop. I decide to open the sliding down that leads to the backyard. My bedroom is much bigger, and a lot of light enters my room, plus I have a stoop outside, which is why Thando desperately wants to get me out of this house so that she can get this room. As I walk out, I notice dad carrying weights, lifting them up and down on the pool’s ledge. He is shirtless, only wearing trackpants, and his dark brown body is dripping sweat. His back is facing me, and I can see all his muscles expanding and deteriorating, creating magic on his upper back and shoulders. I can’t help but bite my lower lip and fan my face with my hand because it is getting hotter. Sindi’s words come flooding into my head like a storm, and everything he said about my stepdad becomes a reality before my eyes. When I realise that he is about to turn, I quickly run back to my room and take long deep breaths. What the hell was I doing, staring at my father like that? I was not supposed to look at him in that way, gosh; what has gotten into me? It is disgusting! “Yolanda,” He calls out. Oh, he saw me. I am in trouble. He stops by my door, holding a towel in his hands, and now that he is facing me, the feeling gets stronger. I cannot stop staring at his… wait, did I just count eight packs? His huge tattoo on his right chest to his right arm compliments his big hard body. I want to touch it so bad and feel if it is real, but that would be inappropriate. He is my dad after all. “Dad?” I breathe out, dropping my eyes. “I wanted to ask if you would like to join me at the children’s home to honour mom?” I quickly raise my head and smile. “Yes, of course I would love that, daddy. What will be happening?” I now turn my focus on what is important. “Well, donations will be made, and there will be a fun day for the kids… I was invited, and of course I cannot decline the invitation, so basically, we will be helping with the donations and spend the day with the kids. Can you guess when that will be?” “Tomorrow?” I ask, excitedly. “Too soon. It will be on your birthday, baby girl,” My birthday? That is not something I want to do on my birthday. I don’t mind going to the orphanage home, but just not on my birthday. “Daddy, remember when you asked what I want for my birthday?” I nervously ask. “Yes, baby girl? What is it?” He asks. “I would like to… uhm,” I look down to fiddle with my fingers. I am scared to say it, but it is what I want. “Talk to me, sweetheart,” “I would like to go and live with my father,” I say so quickly as if the words were going to run out of my mouth. His smile disappears, and his chest rises and falls repeatedly. He sighs and turns his back on me. “Is that what you want?” His voice is now tense. His question makes me regret telling him this now. “Yes, if that won’t be a problem with you,” “Uhm, if that is what you want then.” With that said, he walks out. No, I like it here. This is where my mother was most happy and loved, so if there is anywhere, I want to be it would definitely be here. But I do not feel welcomed, and my stepdad treats me differently from my stepsiblings. I don’t feel wanted here, so it is better if I leave. Thando would be happy to find out that I am leaving. *** Two weeks later, I keep checking my phone to see if my father has called me, but he hasn’t. I sometimes wonder if he still considers me as his daughter. It is my birthday today, and through all the messages and calls I received, I expected his amongst them. I won’t lie; it hurts so much because I already packed my bags, ready to go to him. I am wondering if I will be disappointed when I arrive at his house because I already sent him an SMS, telling him that I will be coming home, but he hasn’t replied. Or maybe he is planning something for me and acts like he had forgotten that it is my eighteenth birthday. I sigh and look around my bedroom for the last time before I roll out my suitcases. As I enter the living room, I find it decorated with balloons and birthday banners. My father and my two stepsisters are there, and also my school friends. “Surprise!” They are all smiling with happy faces, yet I am sad and want to burst into tears. There is a cake, drinks, and snacks all done for me. I literally never expected this, I don’t know what to say. “Oh, boy… she is going to cry,” Sindi says, making everyone laugh. “Joke’s on you, Sindi. I am eighteen today, and big girls don’t cry,” I blink my tears away before I hug her. I then look at everyone and finally smile. “Thank you. I did not expect this… Daddy, thank you,” I say, looking at him. Gosh, he can look so serious even in times like these. He just nods his head. Anele throws herself on me and wraps her arms around me, crying. “I don’t want you to leave, please don’t, sis,” Just when I thought I was never going to cry, my tears crawl out of my eyes. “I will visit you, I promise. I also have three months before I graduate from high school, so I will still see you, don’t cry," "It won't be the same... please," she cries out. I look up at dad and I catch his eyes staring at me. They are soft, but I don't understand what they mean. This is hard, really hard.