Chapter 1

“Risa … Risaaaa” Someone keeps calling Risa who doesn't know who, but for sure she is trying to catch up with Risa who is walking in the school corridor. As for Risa, she doesn't seem to care if her name keeps getting called, even though she already knows and hears someone calling her name, but she still doesn't care about it.  "Diana Merissa ..." Diana Merissa, that's her full name. It's just that she is more often called Risa, at the age of only 16 years, she is already in 12th grade high school. There are countless achievements that she has achieved, many children want to occupy Risa's position. Parents who have abundant wealth, are beautiful, have always been the pride of schools and teachers, but Risa doesn't really care about her current position. However, behind that there is something that makes Risa not want to be in her current position, Risa only wants family warmth that she never got from her family. This makes Risa prefer to be alone rather than interacting with other friends, she grows into a cold, stiff and ignorant figure, which also makes Risa's friends don't want to be friends with Risa. During recess, Risa doesn't go to the cafeteria with her other friends, her main goal is the library, Risa often spends her time either just reading books or just sleeping. Today, while walking down the school corridor towards her class after returning from the library, Risa heard someone keep calling her name, and Risa tried to ignore it. Until finally Risa could feel a pat on her shoulder, but that didn't make Risa turn away, she still focused on walking as if she didn't care about the figure who was walking with a gasping breath beside her. "Sa, you didn't hear me, I was calling you?" she said, putting his hand on Risa's shoulder. However, Risa is still Risa who is not easily provoked by anything, she still doesn't budge even after the person who called her name walked beside her with a short breath. When her feet entered the classroom, Risa immediately sat on the chair she had occupied since officially becoming the 12th grade, followed by the figure who had followed Risa who was actually Risa's classmate. Her name is Amelia Ananta, who is often called Amel by her closest people except Risa, because what Amel remembers when sitting on the same bench as Risa, Risa never even mentioned her name. Amel is Risa's only classmate who is never tired and bored to sympathize and be friends with Risa. When Risa's other friends stay away from Risa and don't like Risa, but all of that never applies to Amel, even though Risa's attitude has never been friendly to Amel. However, Risa assessed that all of the attitudes she showed to Amel were used by Amel as motivation to be more enthusiastic and active in getting Risa's sympathy in order to accept her as a friend. "Heh Mel, how come you want to be friends with someone who is like ice?" asked Amanda, one of their classmates. For Risa, that kind of sneer has become commonplace, so when someone sneers at her, Risa always tries to ignore her. Because all this time, Risa has always tried to live her own way and tries not to depend on others. Apart from their pout that didn't give any change to her life, Risa also felt that she would only waste time if she continued to serve them. because with or without their pout, Risa will only remain lonely, alone, and feel isolated while in the warmth of the world? because during her life Risa was never given the opportunity to live in warmth. "Watch your mouth, she's my friend !!!" Bela Amel, when Risa doesn't want to be ridiculed by Amanda. Hearing Amel's reaction, actually Risa doesn't care about the two of them, she doesn't even seem interested just looking at it. Because according to Risa, all Amel did was lack of work, there were still many things she could do besides serving Amanda. After all, why did Amel bother to defend Risa when Risa herself didn't want to defend herself. So far, Risa feels calm with her way of life that doesn't care about other people's words, and Risa also doesn't need any defense and from anyone. *** After almost a day of studying, the bell finally rang, and all the students could go home. Risa, who actually never tries to get along with her friends, just walks around, without saying goodbye or saying anything to her friends who are still in class. Home is not a place that Risa likes, if there are some children who always want to rush home to meet their families, then Risa will not. Risa prefers the outside atmosphere which makes her forget the simple wish she never got. Because at home, Risa would only feel lonely and lonely, that fact always managed to slap Risa's feelings and sometimes it always succeeded in making Risa want to laugh at her very sad life. But, on the other hand, Risa has no other goal after school besides home. This makes Risa inevitably have to keep going home and alone in the splendor of the house that her parents have painstakingly built. However, no matter how grand the house was, no matter how big the parents' house was, only the room would be the only one occupied. Because that room is a silent witness of every lonely cry of Risa, that room is a silent witness to Risa's sadness who feels she doesn't have anyone. "Being alone may have become a hobby that I can't leave in my daily life, this house is just one of those settings that God describes as a gentle torture before took my life, maybe if tomorrow I die no one will find my body, except the next day," muttered. Risa while lying on the bed with her eyes staring at the ceiling of the room. *** Risa woke up from her sleep when she heard a loud sound from below, after school Risa was indeed asleep and just woke up when she heard a sound from downstairs. Her eyes glanced at the clock which showed midnight, then Risa sat down to collect some of the lives that might not have entered her body, because she was still wandering in the dreamland. However, the screams full of anger from two people that Risa really recognized, managed to make Risa's body gasp when she heard a scream or a loud sound that could make her startled. "God why don't just take my life, instead of you torturing me like this, maybe by leaving I can make them calm and stop fighting" Risa murmured, with her eyes closed trying to melt away the pain that suddenly pinched her. Risa stepped out of the room, even though the room was still dark, Risa could easily walk and open the door without turning on the light first, as if she was used to the dark state of her room so she could walk freely without light. Her feet walked down the stairs, before her feet reached the ground floor, Risa could see a pair of humans who were fighting angrily, and that activity had been familiar to Risa since she was a child. "I will immediately take care of our divorce, soon divorce papers will arrive in your hands." The atmosphere of the house was quiet because it was the middle of the night making every word that was spoken from the mouth of the man called Risa papa could be heard echoing in every corner of the house. Risa's heart sank when she heard her father's words, Risa did not like to separate, because with the breakup of her parents' relationship, Risa would feel even more lonely. Risa's heart that had been hit by the attitude and relationship of her parents who never got along well, now the last piece that Risa kept, even the last piece that made her last, breaks again after hearing her parents' statement that they will separate “Stop it, Mom, Dad, what are you doing? Can you think more calmly and maturely to solve your problem, please talk about everything carefully, I'm tired of hearing the noise you made, "said Risa, successfully making her parents' eyes turn towards Risa who was still standing on the stairs.  "Shut up little boy, you presumptuous talk so loudly to me" The voice of Risa's father shouted, sounded more and more echoed, but this did not make Risa feel afraid or intend to go and shut herself up in her room. Because it is natural according to Risa, seeing her father's anger, seeing her parents' quarrels, their harsh treatment has become Risa's food. Even when her father walked over to Risa who was still standing on the steps, with a look full of anger in her eyes, Risa remained silent as if she welcomed her father's anger. Plak ... Plak ... Two slaps managed to get to Risa's right and left cheeks, there was no sound of pain coming out of Risa's mouth, she just remained silent as if she didn't feel the slightest pain. Then, her father grabbed Risa's hair and dragged her down the stairs, just as they reached the ground floor. At that time, Risa's body was being pushed hard, making Risa sit up and her face fell to the floor. It was not enough to stop there, again Risa's father grabbed Risa's hair for the second time, making Risa's head look up. "I really hate your presence, damn child, your presence only complicates my life" "You are present as the unlucky bearer in my life" Two sentences that came out of his father's words coldly and flat, it was clear that he really didn't like Risa in his life. Then, after saying two sentences that felt so painful in Risa's heart, her father immediately pushed Risa's head so that her head hit the wall. For a few seconds Risa was silent and didn't make any movement, at that time Risa was trying to normalize her head which of course hurt. Risa could also smell the fishy smell, as well as drops of blood flowing from her forehead. "It hurts, it hurts so much, is it time for God to take my life?" Thought Risa voiced while she was still in a position of head down and leaning against the wall. But, at that time Risa felt that strength still gave her the strength to survive, then Risa tried to straighten her body position, her face which was originally covered in hair finally came back, and that's when Risa's face, which was originally pure white, was flooded with blood. From his position, Risa could see his father staring at Risa with anger still visible in his eyes, then after that he left without feeling worried or guilty for hurting Risa. "Mom, don't leave me, I'm afraid, I promise I won't trouble Mommy, but I beg you not to leave me alone, Mom" Risa crawled like a little toddler who couldn't walk, tears that never dripped before finally fell on her cheeks. For Risa, the painful sentence that her father just said, the departure of her father who didn't even want to glance at Risa with guilt or worry, was more painful than her, as well as the wound. forehead. After seeing her father's departure, Risa also didn't want to see her mother leave. Risa's hand hugged her mother's feet who were still standing still without making any movement, at that time Risa was groaning like a child who was afraid of losing her mother with excruciating pain. But recently Risa hugged her mother's leg, suddenly Risa felt her hug make a movement, and after that Risa felt something in her nose, or rather a kick made by the woman she called Mommy. Risa could feel a thick, rancid-smelling liquid trying to get out of her nose after the kick happened. "See, you were there I never wanted, and your presence only made my life difficult." "So, don't expect me to live with you, after your father drops the divorce" said the woman who had given birth to Risa into the world, clutching Risa's cheek. After releasing the grip of his hand from Risa's cheek roughly, she walked away leaving Risa in a pitiful state. Risa's eyes could not escape staring at her mother's punggu who slowly walked farther and disappeared behind the door. At that time, Risa realized that now she lived alone, she didn't have anyone who could be a friend and a reason to live life.