Chapter 3: The Walk Home

!!! *** WARNING! CHAPTER CONTAINS MATERIALS THAT SOME READERS MAY FIND DISTURBING! SUCH AS SE.XUAL ASSAULT AND SUICIDE! READER DISCRETION ADVISED! *** !!! ************************************* Nasha's P.O.V. ***************************** "What? You catch feelings for her over your little date?" Eric said as he pushed his hand down more. Eric put his head on my shoulder as he grabbed my boob. I tried to push him away. Which caused him to grab my wrists, and hold them behind my back. "I didn't catch any feelings, but this is a bit much, Eric, even for you," Nick said. "Gab, I thought this was all you wanted. Let's go." Eric grumbled something about Nick being a party pooper, and started to move his hands from out of my sweater. I started to feel a bit of relief, before Gabby spoke again... "No, why should he?" She asked. My eyes widened. "What?" Nick asked, surprised. Gabby took another step towards me. She grabbed Eric's hand, and pushed it back into my sweater. I squirmed, but it was pointless. "It's not like she's saying no. Right Mute?" Gabby asked me. Eric chuckled darkly as he pinched my ni.pple. I whimpered as tears fell down my eyes. "Well," Gabby said. "Are you going to say something?" Tears filled my eyes. I shook my head, but it didn't seem like that was enough. Gabby chuckled darkly. Why can't I just speak? *********************************** The asphalt road dug into the bare bottoms of my feet as I walked home. "Sorry, that isn't going to work. We need to hear a no, otherwise it doesn't count." I can barely feel the bite of the wind against my cheeks. "Wow, maybe she really does like it." "Maybe I just have that special touch." "P-p-p-plee..." "Whoa, did she just speak?" "Well, I didn't hear a no." A car zoomed past me, but I barely noticed it. "S-s-stoo...p" "Did you hear what she said? I didn't" "Maybe you should go further." How long have I been walking? "Alright, this is enough. Let's go." "You're lucky Nick was here. I would have gone all the way if he wasn't. Hopefully, next time he won't be around to interrupt us. And don't forget, you know who my father is. You tell anyone about this... And you'll be sorry." Those were the last words that Eric said before they all left me there. Ally told them it would be funny to steal my socks and shoes. Something about me looking like a hobo for my walk home. I sat in the woods, and cried for a little bit after they left. It was hard to pick myself up and walk home. I feel... slimy and gross. Like... everything about me is dirty. Eventually, I got up. I trudged home as everything that happened swirled through my mind. I let myself be fooled into thinking someone ever had any interest in me. I should have known better. The worst part about all of this... Dad will say it's my fault too. I feel like my body is on autopilot. I know that I was stupid enough to let Nick lure me somewhere with lies about liking me, but... I was se.xually assaulted. I thought Gabby was going to let Eric rap.e me. H-he said he would whenever he got another chance... Will Dad think that's my fault too? Not one car stopped for me. Just like how the rest of my life has been... no one cared. I'm just a nobody. A stupid mute. It took me what felt like hours to get home. This has been the longest night of my life. It feels more like days or weeks have gone by. I walked through the lobby of my apartment complex. The attendant that works overnights gave me a strange look as I walked passed him to the elevator. Not that he said anything. It's not like anyone cares. I made it into our apartment, and shut the door. I leaned against it, and slid down to the floor. Thank god Dad still isn't home. I should never have snuck out. I shouldn't have been fooled so easily. If I had just done what Dad told me to... I... That wouldn't have happened to me. I wouldn't have been assaulted. I shook my head, and stood up. I have no idea what to do right now. There are so many thoughts swirling in my mind. Too much fear. My body still feels like it's on autopilot. So, I did what I always do. I started to clean. This apartment is never really dirty. Dad is hardly ever here. He comes home once a day, sometimes for a couple of hours, sometimes for a few minutes. It's just me the rest of the time, and I'm only allowed out of my room to use the bathroom, or if I have permission. Still, Dad wants the place spotless when he walks in. I have to keep up with everything. Which isn't that hard. It doesn't take me long. So it wasn't long before I was done. I stared at the empty apartment. It looks like something set up for a magazine. Pristine and perfect. I numbly walked back to the bathroom. I turned the light on, and caught my reflection. I couldn't take my eyes off of myself. I look... terrible. Just like always, but even worse. My sweater is all stretched out from Eric and Gabby pulling it off of me. One of my bra straps is torn. There's a disgusting hickey on my neck. My hair is a mess, and my face... I look much paler than usual. My eyes and nose are all red and puffy. I look like a complete mess. "Don't forget... Keep your mouth shut..." I squeezed my eyes shut, and gripped the counter. Anger started to rise in me. I ripped the sweater over my head and threw it in the trash. Then I did the same with my jeans. I grabbed the counter again as I looked at myself in the mirror. "Whoa... she has a lot of scars." "Must have been brave as a kid, huh? Wouldn't expect that from you, mute." "Whatever, it's gross." My eyes scanned the scars on my skin. The ones left by my father. I don't have many, but the ones I do have... Well, they're hard to miss. The longer that I live, the more I realize what my place is in this world. My place is to be used and beaten. I am nothing. Nothing special, nothing important, nothing even worth breathing air. I was put on this earth to suffer. My mother is dead because of me. My father hates me to the point that I live my life in complete fear of him. Day in and day out. I'm always scared. I'm so scared that I barely sleep at night. I barely eat, when I'm allowed to, that is. I'm barely even living. What is Dad going to do if he finds out about this? Will he believe me that I was forced into that? Will he blame me because I was stupid enough to let Nick lure me out there? Will he punish me for it? Will he even care? What about school? How am I supposed to go back to school after this? How can I look these people in the face? What if Eric tries to trap me somewhere? Eric could do that anywhere at school. No one would care at all. He'd ra.pe me, and get away with it. That's what's going to happen to me. It's only a matter of time. My breathing started to come out harshly. Then I was struggling to take in air at all. I can't do this. I just can't. I don't want to be ra.ped. I can't live this way. I can't do it. Not anymore. It's just not worth it. This life... My life... isn't worth it. I can't take being beaten daily anymore. I can't take being terrified all the time. I just can't do it. A sudden calmness settled in my bones. I took a deep breath, and straightened my back. Tears continued to stream down my cheeks, but I felt strangely at ease. I turned on water in the tub for a bath. Then I opened the mirror cabinet. I stared at my father's stack of razors for a moment. This is my only way out. My only way of knowing any kind of peace. I will never know love. I won't know anything other than this relentless fear. I grabbed one of the razors, and went back to the tub. I shut the water off, and got in. I noticed the water turn colors from the dirt that cakes my body. I sat up, and held the razor to my right wrist. Without another thought, I sliced. Then I did the same with the other wrist. I leaned back as I let the razor fall to the ground beside the tub. I wonder if anyone will be sad to find me dead. Maybe Aunt Pam. I wish I could have told her that this is what I wanted. This was my only chance to be free. To maybe even see my mom. I closed my eyes as a smile fell on my lips. I'd rather it be this way. I'd rather die than live this life full of pain. A sense of peace washed over me as I started to feel weak. I can feel myself growing sleepy. Just... a few... more... minutes... Finally... "Nasha!?"