Chapter 4: The Attempt

!!! *** WARNING! CHAPTER CONTAINS MATERIALS THAT SOME READERS MAY FIND DISTURBING! SUCH AS TALK OF SE.XUAL ASSAULT AND SUICIDE! READER DISCRETION ADVISED! *** !!! ******************************************* Nasha's P.O.V. ********************************** I woke up feeling groggy. I can hear the sound of beeping, but my eyes are too heavy to open. What is that noise? What happened? What's the last thing I remember? I tried to think back, and it made my head hurt more. I groaned softly. God, this hurts so badly. "Sir, do you know if your daughter was dating anyone?" I heard a female ask. What? Who is that? Who is she talking to? "Dating anyone?" Wait... is that my dad? "Well, we know that sometimes young girls' feelings can get the better of them. Maybe Nasha and her boyfriend got into an agrument, and it caused her to act out." The female said gently. "Nasha wasn't dating anyone. Not even behind my back. She never would." Dad replied. "Sir, forgive me, but teenagers always find a way," the female said. "No, he's telling the truth. Nasha would never go behind her father's back." Is that... Aunt Pam? "Well..." The female said uncomfortably, "Nasha has a hickey on her neck. It looks recent. If you aren't sure, I understand, but... Is it possible that Nasha could have been se.xually assaulted?" "Oh my god," Aunt Pam muttered devastatedly. "That could be why... she tried to kill herself. Nasha is stable now though. We'll have to keep her for another night at least. I'm sure she'll wake up soon." The female said. "Thank you doctor." Aunt Pam replied. I can hear the tears in her voice. "Doctor, may I speak with you for a moment?" Dad said. Then the room went silent. So, I'm at the hospital. My attempt didn't work. Now I... have to live this life. All the fears that I had before I slit my wrists came crashing back to me. I feel like I'm being buried. Like I'm drowning in something invisible. Something no one else can see. Or.. Maybe they can see. Maybe they see, and just don't care. No one has ever cared... That was what drove me here in the first place. I failed. Just like I fail in everything. A small sob tore from my chest. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live. "Nasha...?" I heard my aunt ask. I felt Aunt Pam's warm palm against my forehead. She smoothed my hair back in the loving way that my mother used to. That only made me cry harder. Why is something as simple as this gesture so foreign to me? "Oh Nasha..." Aunt Pam said sadly. Slowly, I blinked, my eyes open. I stared up at the blurry white hospital ceiling. I didn't move or speak. I just cried as Aunt Pam tried her best to comfort me. "Nasha... What happened?" She asked. I couldn't bring myself to answer her. It's pointless. Nothing matters. I'm going to have to go back to school now. Eric is going to find me, and probably ra.pe me. Does it even matter? Do I even matter? "Nash... Talk to me. Tell me what's going on." Aunt Pam said. I only shook my head. "Nasha... I know you're scared. Maybe I could help you if you just talked to me." She urged gently. I looked at my aunt. Pam smiled at me, but her eyes were full of worry. I feel awful that I made her worry so much. If my plans really would have worked she would have been even more sad than she is now. Can I really talk to Aunt Pam about everything? Can I tell her about Dad, and all the things he does to me? Can I tell her how I snuck out thinking I was going on my very first date? All to be tricked, and assaulted? Can she help me at all? I know that what Dad does to me is abuse. I'm old enough and smart enough to know that any other parent would rot in prison if they did these things to their child. However, my father is a lawyer, and he knows how to get away with everything. If I told though... If I took the risk, and... just told someone... Would it all stop? "I just want it all to stop..." I whispered. "What honey?" Aunt Pam asked. "You want what to stop?" I opened my mouth to reply, just as Dad walked back into my room. "Awh, you're awake." He said. I gripped my sheets. Will he act out here? In front of Aunt Pam? "The doctor says that you have to stay for two more days, but I talked her out of it. We will be leaving in the morning." Dad told me. Figures. As soon as we get home he's going to make me tell him everything. Then he's going to punish me for being so stupid. "However, I have business to attend to, so you'll have to stay here alone for the night," Dad said. One last night of peace. "I'll stay with her," Aunt Pam said. Dad looked at her before turning his hard eyes on me. I know that look all too well. It's the: 'don't say anything you shouldn't, or else' look. Aunt Pam wasn't new to Dad's cold treatment. She knows that he's much too absent when it involves me. Aunt Pam just has no idea how bad it really is. She thinks that Dad just works too much, that he has no time for me. I wish it were that way. "Fine," Dad said. "I'll be here first thing in the morning to get you." With that, Dad turned, and left the room. Aunt Pam and I watched him go. I felt a slight relief fill me when he disappeared. "I'll never understand that man," Aunt Pam mumbled. "His daughter is sitting here in a hospital bed after trying to kill herself, and he just leaves. What could possibly be more important than this?" Literally anything. Dad doesn't care about me. Aunt Pam turned around to look at me. "Nasha, will you please tell me what's going on?" She asked. "Why did you do this? Was it a cry for help? Is it because your dad is never around? This is not the way to try to get his attention, young lady." I chuckled hollowly at that. Do all of this for attention? I did it so that I would never receive an ounce of attention again. "Nasha... Honey... The doctors told us that you have many scars on your body. There were other... marks as well. Your dad told the doctor that you have a history with self harm." Aunt Pam told me. My head snapped in her direction. Self harm? Really? "What's that look for?" Aunt Pam asked. I turned my head away. Aunt Pam sat on my bed. She took my hand in hers, and squeezed it. "Will you at least tell me what happened to make you do this? I know that you wouldn't see a boy behind your father's back. You're scared of him. That he'll do something to put a boy in jail." She said with a small laugh. That's what she thinks? That I'm afraid for that reason? "I know you enough to know that you wouldn't go see some random boy," Aunt Pam said. "Did something happen, Nasha? You can tell me." I turned my head back to my aunt. It's not like I won't have to tell Dad tomorrow anyway. What does it matter at this point? "I... feel broken." I admitted to her. "Oh honey," Aunt Pam replied as she cupped my cheek. "Don't say that." "I... was tricked." I said. "A... b-boy from school... He asked me out, but i-it was a trick. There were other's there waiting for me." "Did they hurt you, Nasha?" She asked. I nodded. "I thought he was going to... r-r-ra..." I trailed off. I can't even finish my sentence. "H-he said... n-next time..." I trailed off again as more tears streamed down my face. I hate this. Living. Why does it have to be so hard? "Nasha, you should tell your dad. He can take action." Aunt Pam said. I shook my head. "It won't matter. Never does," I replied. "Never does? What do you mean?" She asked. I looked down at my hands as I started to pick at my cuticles. Aunt Pam gently rested her hand on top of mine. I slowly looked up at her. "Nasha, tell me what's going on." She stated softly, but sternly. My bottom lip trembled as I stared at her. Maybe Aunt Pam can really help me get away. I just want to get far, far away. Here goes nothing.